Alright then, so when I started this blog I wrote that I would be documenting my departure from the harbor that has been my life in Winnemucca. Well, finally, here is a post about that. For those of you who don't know, I am going to graduate next Thursday, and tomorrow is my last day of school. I haven't honestly been that excited about it. It's not that I'm dreading it or anything, just the opposite in fact. I am looking forward to it more than any single date in my entire life thus far. The gravity of it all just hasn't hit me yet. I still feel like it's ages away. I really can't believe that I won't walk through the doors into the glass hallway at Lowry next August. I can't believe I won't have soccer practice all fall. For that matter, I can't believe I'm done with high school sports. For four years my life has been dominated by Albert M. Lowry High School and I can't imagine it no longer being so.
The weight of it all is hitting me even as a write this. Suddenly everything just seems so dark and cold. I'm scared. As much as all my friends and family, relatives and mentors tell me how proud they are, I feel as if I have wasted so many opportunities. So many things I could have done have slipped through my fingers. And now I crouch in the starting blocks, awaiting the signal to start running into my own life, the life I will create for myself. And I'm even more scared. What if I'm not making the right choices? What if I cannot handle college? What if my course load is too heavy? What if I fail, what happens then? Where do I go after college? I have scattered ideas about graduate school, the Peace Corps, high ranking jobs. What if I can't do any of those? What if I am aiming too high? Should I just be content with a family and a good job in a nice town? But there has to be more than that. I want to travel, live in a city, write articles that change people's lives, help people who would normally never even knew I existed. But can I do all of these things? Should I? I feel like all of these things are going to rush up on me just as fast as graduation has, and again I won't be ready.
This morning my mom (oh God, what am I going to do without her? I can't do this...) warned me that things were sneaking up on me. She meant I needed to start writing thank you cards and letters, but she was right on such a higher level. You're right Mom, things are sneaking up on me, and I feel like I need to hide from them just a little longer...
So there that is...
You have brains in your head.
ReplyDeleteYou have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.
You're on your own.
And you know what you know.
You are the guy who'll decide where to go.
~Dr. Seuss
Hey man, i know how you feel. Up until this point, the structure of our lives are basically set up for us. Our guardians tell us where to go and what to do. Then we move out and everything is ultimately up to us and it's impossible to tell what the best possible decision might be. It is very scary. I just want to say, don't measure your success by comparing yourself to others and never look back.
ReplyDeleteYou can do this, and you will.
ReplyDeleteCollege is practice for real life - remember that. Your mom is only a phone call away, don't forget that. You are a very young man with a lot to learn, but you can and will do great things with your life if you choose. Plus, you have a huge family waiting to support you in your decisions, and to hold a hand out to you if you stumble. You are still safe.
Nothing is ending - everything is beginning!
big brother smart!
ReplyDelete